Wednesday, July 27, 2011

babies babies babies

So many beautiful newborn babies around! It is amazing! I am so happy for their families! It brings me a lot of joy to see the happy families.

 But it hurts me on the inside. Everytime I see a mom snuggling their child, my heart aches a little bit. I see nursing mothers and I want that so bad. I see new dads high off of happiness at their new families, and my heart aches a little more. I want my own family. I really enjoy other peoples childrens, and I love kids, and I love love love love babies, but I am so ready to have my own. Sometimes I shy away from holding a baby because it makes that longing grow so much deeper. The smell of a baby, their movements, there reactions, there little fingers, there little toes, there lips, eyes, everything. I would be a good mom. I would. I could use more patience, and understanding, but I would love that child with all my heart. I am so ready to just be on the path in my life to becoming a mother. I really am.  When I see a mother nursing her child or cuddling her child. I know what it feels like to snuggle a baby and get hugs, and that feeling is amazing, but I can't imagine the feeling of it being your own. and I want that.  I want that so bad. I always try and keep my infertility upbeat and be non chalant about it, but sometimes it is just freeeeaaaakkkinnnn hard. I know God's timing is perfect and he usually isn't early and he is never late (quote from Joyce Meyer) but I am really hoping that I am really really really near His perfect timing. With all these beautiful babies surrounding me, it makes it hard.  I struggle, yet I appreciate.

But for now I love my bully baby.

Porkchop about 9 or 10 weeks old.

10 months old


  1. HUGS my friend...I can't even imagine.

  2. Tara, I wanted to say that you amaze me, this post amazes me. I know so many infertile bloggers who feel bitter about other babies, other pregnant women. They write posts about being annoyed when their friends get pregnant, when pregnant women complain about pregnancy symptoms. While here you are, in the same boat but still full of hope and happiness for other people. That's so inspiring!
    I can imagine how you must feel. My big fear was that for some reason one of us was infertile when we decided to try for a baby. While it turned it was quite the opposite, I clearly the remember the few month of "what Ifs" in my head before we actually started trying.
    Hang in there!

  3. I know EXACTLY how you feel. It is really hard. Our time will come my friend. <3

  4. I could have written this post. I long to have a baby so bad and try not to let it bother me, but it still does from time to time. I try to remind myself that this is all building character and will someday make me a better parent.

    Your Porkchop is almost as cute as my Justice. Almost.

    Marla @

  5. I understand it must be hard, two of my friends have described very similar feelings. My heart goes out for you and I hope it will work out for you.

  6. You are so strong Tara and staying positive is more powerful than you may think! I totally agree with you about God's timing being perfect and I am really hoping that you are near His perfect timing too! You will be an amazing Mom, I just know it!!

  7. :( Don't ever give up. My sister struggled for four years (with lots of issues & a couple miscarriages) before her first BUT now has two beautiful girls. Keep up the faith.